I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I cockslap morals
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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