i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
