Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
