she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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