I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
