Is it normal to miss your booty call?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize