I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
