I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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