I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
