I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
