apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
zippers are such a cool invention
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
sex in a hospital.. check
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
