HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
