I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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