you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
