The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
