I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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