I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
