i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oh god it's open bar.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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