I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
