now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
