I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
