a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
