Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
