My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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