Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
