Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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