In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
