I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
