Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
