I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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