so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
