Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
