my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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