Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize