Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
