Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
