I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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