And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
