OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize