Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
