ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
