News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
