i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
