you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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