I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are we still banned from the library?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
