I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
