so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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