I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
