Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
