i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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