The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
