If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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