My sheets look like a crime scene.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
