I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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