he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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