he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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