im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
