if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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