we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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