Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
