I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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