Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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