I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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