Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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