So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
