Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
