he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
