He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
