In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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