as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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