i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
