A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
