Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
