I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
