i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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