Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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