God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
