theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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