he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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